Reflecting

LL

As I sit here in Massachusetts  looking out at the sea, I am reflecting on what I now see as the initial 'rush' of your meeting the man you are still with. As I recall you were going to have a place abroad and by now be living together. Neither have happened, have they, and time marches on - twelve years in fact.

I am heading over there to London soon in our own plane, something you never dreamed of when you knew me. As I am sure you have worked out by now, there was much more to me than you ever imagined. Then a brief visit to the very east of Europe before returning back here.

My blogs - these, and the other sort - are produced to let you know that you were such a small town person in your outlook and in perception. You had no idea of my life, none whatsoever. Yet you decided to wander off merely to satisfy your 'needs'. When I said long ago that I wasn't going anywhere, I meant it 100%. However, what you did changed all that and for a short while, a very short while you broke my heart.

In the end, you are the loser. You lost me - no big deal you might say - you lost a wonderful life, you lost twelve years of your life working when you would never have had to with me, and dare I say you lost all those years sharing a bed with me...and I know how much you enjoyed my attentions in that department. Those skills didn't go to waste as you now know. In fact they are still employed regularly.

Next year is a milestone birthday for me and I'm still fit and 'performing'. I hope that is the case for your partner. I dare not imagine what it looks like when you two get together, given his size!

You know what you have missed...apart from the houses, cars, travel and the plane. I don't need to keep repeating it, but I do feel reiterating it from time to time serves as a reminder of all the wrong decisions you made...you admitted to them back in 2006.

I have a superb life, mainly through my own efforts and shrewd decisions. You could say, the opposite to yours and your decisions, but when you look back on your life you will have regrets. Me, I don't think I have any..I have been, as you once said, a lucky, lucky man. Although, to be fair, I made most of that luck.

In many ways I feel sorry for you. You wanted to remain friends. That surprised me at the time. I thought how could a woman who had acted unfaithfully on a number of occasions, think that a man, any man, would want to stay her friend. Funny sort of standards that you work by LL.  Imagine if it had been the other way round - what would you done, remained friends? I think not.

You had, and have, very confused thinking and very odd moral standards.

Never mind. Think of us enjoying our life over here and in Europe and the rest of the World...living a life of luxury. That might stay in your mind for a while.

Ciao