2014 and Looking Back

Yet another Christmas comes around LL. This is the sixth that I have spent in Florida and looking at some of the weather in the north (our north not yours), I'm glad we do. Your weather doesn't look too good either.

So the man who can barely string a grammatically correct sentence together, is to become an author, albeit non fiction and soccer at that. How exciting...not ...yawn. Not going to top the bestsellers, or win the Pulitzer Prize is it.

Since starting this, we are now in Boston, Massachusetts that is, not Lincolnshire UK. Spending a week or so here with Cas and Liz before moving on to our home in NH. You will have gathered by now that I had, and have of course, a whole different life beyond the one I let you into. I have always been careful and I was right to be so with you...wasn't I.

There's plenty of snow over in NH so our normal winter activities there are assured. Spending a little time here before moving to our rural retreat near Concord. 'Near' is as near as I will be telling you :)

I found the horoscope you put up quite amusing - it pretty much reflects my reaction to your behavior, back pre-2006. Betrayed, yes I was. Taken advantage of - yes I was, again. An immediate change in how I felt toward you. You bet!!

You really messed up didn't you. I was reading something that I think you wrote in 2004 where you said you wanted to travel the world with me - a birthday card, I think it was written on. You never got there did you and yet I have traveled the world...without you.

2014 is the year you supposedly retire. Not sure whether you will or not...but it's academic to me. Not so you. I figure with my knowledge of your affairs (monetary ones - not the romantic (?) ones) that if you do it will be fairly tough until you inherit. What provision has he made for you? I am sure you realize that he isn't going to make 'old bones' with his unhealthy life style.

We are going into 2014 in style. New Aston in the UK, new boat in Florida and quite a few trips lined up. You once said would we have enough to live on...and that was after you left. You should have done what your heart said, not your head...nor your impulsive decisions. Do you realize that I could give you $30m and not really notice. You have no idea what you passed up on...no idea at all.

The UK Aston appear on my profile page...I put it there for you to see.

My whole life style is one of quite a high level of luxury although we love coming up here to NH to enjoy the rural life and , at this time of the year, the snow. After all I was brought up in the countryside, albeit, the UK.

I guess your life isn't greatly changed from what it was like back in 2005. Not really any further forward...just static for the last 8 years. As you reflect on the years since you kicked C out, think and dream on what you could have had if you had stayed loyal and didn't seek your own self gratification all the time.

Indirectly, you try to convince me that your life is great, but I know, and so do you, that it isn't.

Wish you well in your small life in 2014. We are going to be largely preoccupied into the New Year for a few days.

Ciao...O Foolish One!    

Here's something to remind you of what might have been...if you can recall where it is:

Japan

I'm not going to write much here LL except to say this gallery of photos are of our trips to Japan. I think they span three separate times since 2010, including a trip this year. There is the odd note below some of the items.

You may think that is more 'flaunting' and if that is your interpretation you must live with the fact. In fact it is an exercise in showing you what you have missed. All those holidays to Spanish speaking territory bar three other trips to tourist spots don't compare with how I have filled the last 8 years. 

For example, we have flown our twin-engined plane from the East Coast to the West Coast of this country, with me piloting about 50% of the time. As you know or should we touched down in all sorts of places on the way e.g. The Dakotas, Utah, Texas, New Mexico, Nebraska etc etc

I know you like your foodie photos so I have included a few here. This is the real thing when it comes to Sushi or Sashimi

I have seen some beautiful site since you went and this is one of them.

More food

...and even more

 Supermarket Japanese Style

Finally, I think your two boys would have enjoyed this exhibition

なものですが、あなたの人生を楽しむ

Ciao :)

Birthdays and Retirement

Two birthdays, one yesterday, and one to celebrate in 7 weeks and 1 day.

Did you enjoy your weekend of soccer, booze and fried breakfasts? How you have changed! Or, perhaps and more likely, reverted to form. 

We had a great weekend  - we normally do. Always socializing and always active in so very many ways. Spent Sunday morning sailing, dropped by the cottage on Sanibel (been up there several times in the last week) and later in the day, by the pool...and in it. It's quite private, as you can imagine with a multi million dollar home. Temperatures have been topping out in the high 80's all this month. Just right - and the mornings and evenings have been gorgeous.

You couldn't wait could you, and so you missed all that was on offer... and there was more on offer than you ever knew. You were and aren't capable of checking me out, but I checked you out and it's good job I did...isn't it.

Oh how I have laughed since 2005. I never thought you would be the source of so much amusement.  And, .... there was you believing you had stitched me up. I told you that you had to get up early if you were to attempt to run rings round me:) The way you spend your weekends, especially earlier on when I received a running commentary from sources I had employed, the places you shop and your own snobbery about St Andrews and cars. I never thought you subscribed to such overt displays but there's nothing worse than working class snobbery because it has no basis in taste or class...so those things and others kept me amused back then and some of the things you still do amuse me occasionally.

After, what is it, 8 years and two months, perhaps you now believe what I told you. I never lied like you did but, as someone once said, I was economical with the truth. If I committed a sin it was one of omission in that I didn't tell you everything at the outset. To think that after you thought you had left, you warned me not to be too open and too honest about myself, materially. You must have thought I was some sort of fool...of course... I wasn't. Neither was I crazy...just a bit too clever for you. Planting the crazy tag on me was your way of letting yourself off the hook. Despite what you mentioned at least half of your friends/colleagues male and female thought you were the very guilty party. Solid proof is a fine thing to have when winning people over ;-)

So, what do you really think after the time that has elapsed since we were last together...

I am not M or C or T (thank God!) nor am I... J.... or any of the other myriad men that you have had in your life. I was and am that rarity, and I don't mean this immodestly, someone who is very, very successful, warm, faithful and loving. Someone who leads a quite exciting life (unlike yours), who travels widely and enjoys, as you once put it, the fruits of his labors. I don't think any of the many men in your life have ever met all those criteria. I might add my fitness to that list, too. There's a criterion that your latest doesn't fit into!

I think you burnt your bridges in many ways. making do with a disjointed relationship when you could have enjoyed a full life, making do with very second hand poser/hairdressers cars, making do with repetitive holidays, making do with a fat, unfit, self opinionated guy, making do with little boxes as homes and just making do generally. You burned your bridges through your loose behavior, poor judgement, poor decision making and selfishness. A few of your men recognized some of that and moved on, and away. In many ways you have never moved on. Take a look at your life's history, the way you have managed it and your family, the judgement you have exercised and the decisions you have made and then try telling me you did a good job. You failed then and failed yourself in life.

You compromised when you walked away and accepted a lot less than you really wanted from life. You accepted a working class life style, albeit with a few shekels provided by your partner, a life devoid of weekday affection and company, and vacations that show little imagination. That is not what you wanted when I knew you...and I suspect it is not entirely what you want now but.....that is what you have had to accept approaching your 60th birthday. I have met a few fools in my life, but you really do take the number one prize for being such an idiot. You could have had it all and a loving and devoted companion.

I think you have realized that since, and since you stopped deluding yourself that I was spinning you a yarn over my life, it's quality and the full on happiness I enjoy. I had a very good life with my late wife and, apart from the aberration that you constituted, I am enjoying the same with my second wife. Because you were so focused on yourself and your needs, when we were together, you never recognized or acknowledged the obligations I had to my family...just yours....and you. Maybe you deluded yourself into not believing me because you couldn't face having got things so wrong.

Have you ever asked yourself why all your past relationships went wrong or didn't last? You probably know by now, or at least you should. It's partly because you never thought about the needs of others. I told you more than once that the secret of my long marriage was giving and expecting nothing in return. You never, and probably still haven't learnt that lesson or...you don't have it in you. 

A few days back I laughed at the graphic you put up on a social website. It indicated to me the only way you know how to react, and yet it also told me that all of that and the other insults you threw 'back aways'  were merely your own defense mechanism to having been such a fool. 'Why do I always make the wrong decisions *****'  - your own words in 2006. You realized then, and you realize now, what a  fool you had been but, through an innate form of cowardice, did nothing about that decision.       

Enough of history time you checked out what it's like here right now. No photos of the house though:). 

This month in Florida is one of the best. Temperatures in the mid to upper 80's, pretty much everyday. No rain. Few foreign tourists apart from the odd one or two. Pretty darn good all told. 

Take a look:

 Fort Myers Beach from the plane

Recall this area? The bridge is one we drove over a few times. Weather as you can see from the following photos is great. The proper way to spend Christmas.

 Sunrise near Home

You wake in the morning slip on some casual wear and just saunter onto the beach in the warmth of the sun. It's one of the best of feelings....walking with that special person in your life and enjoying all of this. You could have been here instead....once.

 Beach Walking

 Another shot of FMB from the Plane

 Sunset over the Gulf

 Just over the Bridge to FMB

 Gorgeous Day

 Sunset over Sanibel Causeway

 Early morning Beach Walking

 Christmas

We dress our boat in lights too, over Christmas. This one, above, was an early starter.

 Another Gorgeous Day

 Coffee and People Watching

I never tire of living here. Every morning is a delight and just getting up and walking outside into the sunshine and that wonderful warmth is great. I am sure you recall it.... vaguely. You were as smitten with this part of the world as I am. But you foolishly decided otherwise...and you had a lot of chances to change your mind.

Beach Walkers

If I don't get to another blog before the festive season..........

Avere un hmmm felice Natale e godersi la pensione

Ciao!!!

Long Distance Information give me....

Well LL, Little Lady or is that Large Lady, who knows what the abbreviation stands for...something or nothing at all.

Bit like you really. You stood for something once, now you stand for nothing at all in the scheme of things.

Been in Memphis, Tennessee for two days or so on business with my wife. You may recall, if I mentioned it before, that we have real estate interests there. Had to wrap up a bit - it gets cool away from the sunny south east...USA. Back now, in the balmy temperatures of Florida.

Have quite a crowd here for Christmas. Family of course plus friends dropping in. We don't celebrate Boxing Day this side of the Pond, so back to normal on the 26th for some.

Have you ever thought where your life might be now if you hadn't chosen that other fork, made that other decision (quote: 'why do I always make the wrong decisions' ).

I  mention again because I think you are both jealous and envious of where I am both geographically and in life's stakes. Your recent graphic message seems to lend support to my supposition. Jealous because another woman is enjoying life with me and envious because you passed on what was on offer. 

That was your decision at the time because you are both impulsive and suffer from short term pleasure syndrome. I know you regretted what you decided and did - the quote above, made afterwards, supports that. You also thought if you returned, I would have left you high and dry. At the time, no, I wouldn't have done. In thinking that, you applied your own standards and behavior...not mine. I  have higher moral standards and integrity.

I find it a little intriguing that you feel compelled to follow my activities 8 years after we parted. For my part I was serious in keeping tabs on you, but now it's more for amusement than anything. There is little chance there will ever be a reunion now.

I am writing this during the period I set aside for writing my novels. I thought the picture below might amuse you. This used to be me trying to get inspiration. Coffee by the gallon (this is America - no metric here) and so many cigarettes. I still drink the coffee (less) but the smoking went quite a few years back. Not even a cigar...wink, wink ;-)

I am sure you are aware from what I wrote back then that I kept an eye on you through various means, partly to monitor 'goings on', partly to look out for you...believe it or not! This graphic below caught my eye (excuse all the puns) because it was a lady that was on your 'case'. Another still is, in a manner of speaking

We will be moving to our home in New Hampshire shortly after Christmas. You'll know from previous years, this is something of a tradition in my wife's family. Of course there's the skiing and fun things to do in the snow as well. Cas and Liz live in Boston and are our dearest friends. I  have known Cas from our Navy days together. Funny how we both married American girls.

I guess you missed out all round, one way and another. Missed out on the very good life I enjoy, missed out on a fella who was devoted to you (and is devoted to his family) and missed out on all that sun, sea, sand and palms that you love so much. What did you trade it for? Not that much it turns out.

A real fat guy whose long term health must be questionable, fleeting weekends and occasional holidays, none of which show much imagination, and all the equally questionable 'fun' of the beautiful game.

I guess you are enjoying an evening of darkness and dampness in equal measure whereas here it's sunny and around 86F. What are your plans for the weekend? They seem to mainly constitute ....... eating, with a little occasional shopping. Pretty mundane don't you thjink...and you used to say you wanted excitement in your life.

For that I think you made the wrong choice...by a mile. I'll leave you to dwell on my meanderings - you could always respond of course, but you won't. That same cowardly trait that was there in late 2005 hasn't gone away has it.

Ciao

Observations

Here's a numonic that sums up some people:

B I T C H = [B]eautiful [I]ndividual [T]hat [C]reates [H]ell. Maybe [B]uxom in certain cases

Thought I would 'pepper' this blog with thoughts that reflect the past and the present. I'll leave you to figure out which is which

A random bunch of quotes and thoughts but a lot apply to you....most in fact.

I bet you wonder why I don't just let things go. Two reasons - one I am encouraged by others, and two, I just love to remind you that when you make a choice you have to live with the consequences of that choice - especially when it was the wrong choice and you realize it was.

The story of your life perhaps....

ME: Makes a mistake

ME: Thinks about mistake every night for the next 10 years

Not me, of course - you! 

I made a mistake for sure, but I don't think about it at night. In fact within a year or so I had put it behind me. Down to experience, as they say, a bad experience! My mistake was you.

I think back to the gloating you did in 2006. You were full of it, but much of it has never come to pass e.g a place abroad. You then criticized me for flaunting. Well lady, you deserved that just to make up for what you did and to ensure you fully realized that you backed the wrong guy. 

I told you in that parking lot in Florida that I was going nowhere and that I would stay with you for the rest of our lives. I meant it. You decided otherwise and went behind my back, and then were surprised at my reaction. Fact is I don't have to flaunt at all. I only have to write these occasional blogs to gauge (from various sources) the effect .

Friends read these of course, including two of yours. Which two? That would be telling ;-)

Another book extract - they are mainly thrillers - guess you figured that:



All of us have secrets and all of us tell lies.

The secret had meaning later, but the lies were coming home to roost very soon. He breathed in slowly and calmly. His hands cool, his left hand gloved. These things can get hot.

The barrel over which he viewed the scene below was that of a Browning M107....