Poetry

Here's something you might identify with - it was largely written with someone like you in mind.



What does this man mean to me, I really cannot tell,
It's far too soon to understand what's deep inside his shell.
He hides from me, then wants to know, what's locked within my heart,
He leaves me feeling constantly, that we are soon to part.


Do I frighten him I wonder, am I taking things too fast,
Does he think I'm playing games with him and it's not meant to last.
Perhaps he's playing games with me, I wonder if he knows,
I've never felt like this before, and I'm frightened that I'll lose.


I'm scared that when he walks away, that he won't be coming back,
The insecurity I feel is a thing I wish I lacked.
I've been hurt before you know, and I'm not immune to pain,
Now there's not much more for me to lose, and everything to gain.


I really want to let him know, just what it is I'm thinking,
I can't explain in words alone, it's hard to say what I'm feeling.
So I try to say in other ways, a glance, a smile, a touch,
But he doesn't seem to understand, perhaps I'm just too much.


Maybe I should slow things down, just wait and look towards,
The next time I'll be seeing him, try not to be so forward.
I'll tell him of my dreams again, I'll share my hopes and fears,
I'll tell him what he wants to know; I'll share my life; my tears.


Enjoy, absorb and ponder.

Sweet dreams :)

From me and .......

Close to Home

LL

Unlike previous musings this one comes from a lot closer to home. Your home that is...not mine:)

Not sure whether you keep track but we flew into the UK last week (on our own plane - the Gulfstream) and then made the short hop to the Netherlands, after an overnight stay in our London residence. If you are keeping track then you will know we/I have moved three times since you and I were last an item. From St Catherine's Dock, Docklands (me alone) to Montpelier Square and more recently to Belgravia. That place of yours...and his...bear no comparison, of course.

We have been guests of Leiden University, or to give it it's correct title Universiteit Leiden, as our trip was connected to pharmaceutical research and funding. Found time to explore the City and also Amsterdam. Then we were off again to meet Dieter, our German associate in Frankfurt. All 'fun and games'. You once said I was in my element in the business world - you were absolutely right. Very successful too.

Remember what you told me about him? You said, with some misplaced pride, 'P.... he's a company director and journalist and his boss would be lost without him'. Maybe the first and last were true as told to you but I would take issue with 'journalist'. He can't hold a light to guys and girls I know...or yours truly (eleven books published and all bringing in substantial bucks). His English leaves a lot to be desired and it is quite apparent he never learnt grammar.

So here we are back in the UK for a few days. Plan to show Ash the Lake District in mid Spring hence the title of this blog. Quite where we are now is for you to guess, but remember we have a few places in the UK. Also have a project in London that we are involved in.

My life is very different to what you can have possibly imagined it would be after we parted. Yours? I'm pretty sure it isn't a lot different from when I knew you...and you are still working. Two things you once said sit in my mind. Firstly you said I was not a man to sit still, I know what I want and I go and get it - I did! Secondly, you said you always make the wrong decisions - you did!

You had plenty of opportunity to reverse what you did but as I always suspected you never had the courage - in the same way you hardly had the courage to face me at the time. That alone would have put you way down in my estimation and when combined with your deceit was enough for any man...and yet there is still a vestige of love and fondness for you. Life is a funny old thing isn't it. x

Anyway we are in the midst now of a mini tour of our places here. Ash wanted to get away from the big cities and so there was no better excuse. Notice the roads aren't so good here since I left. It's giving the Aston a good run though.

For now I'll leave you with a few photos of Germany and the Netherlands:

University other side of the tracks

To the University

I've added a few more 'professional one's below. Skills have increased a lot in 10 years - quite proud. Down to lighting and skill.

By now you will have picked up that we are in Chester on our tour. Took Ash to see a bawdy but excellent play at the Arts Theater in Cambridge yesterday and hit the road early this morning - fog included (but soon went).

Trip into Liverpool planned, including The Beatles stuff, at Ash's request. Will be hitting the West Country as well as the Lake District. Up and down the M6/M5/M56 like a yo yo! We've seen a lot of the States - naturally - so this is for Ash, to see my old country. and some of my old and quite modest homes from way back when.

Guess I didn't tell you that we floated some of our 'empire' on the NASDAQ some time back. We are no longer mere millionaires :). Sadly, you seem a quite insignificant part of my life and in your case still inhabiting a life that is unchanged and bears no resemblance to where I am now. I said you should have stayed and that I was going nowhere. But, did you listen - did you hell as like!  I know you regret what you did and what you chose. When you stand back and look at things and him (in all his glory (?) ) you must ask yourself 'what was I thinking'.

That will be enough for now. Open to contact should you ever feel the need ;-) You know how....

Ciao - incidentally, we will be back after returning to New Hampshire early May. Our summer sojourn in Europe is still one of the features of our lives, especially Italy....and Sorrento. Maybe some photos of this year's trip....to bring back some memories for you?

Take care

The Silence

 LL

You have certainly been quiet in a 'social media kinda way' recently and for quite a few months. Those photos of food and you both aren't that interesting....yawn

Back from Memphis TN  - day trip - there on a brief business visit. Guess you are still where you always are - in that rut you never wanted to be in. You surprised me back in 2005 with your choice - it wasn't what I expected you to go for. As has been displayed fairly recently 'it' isn't a pretty site, at best - at worst, it must look gross.

I was going to put a photo in here of the gross being, but decided you already know what he's like. I cannot believe you settled for that. Round as he is high and with no discernible neck! You are not the person I once knew

Funny really, because what you left for and what you are left with now, are the opposites of each other. That is, I lead the very varied and exciting life and... with him .... you don't, I am fit and relatively slim and he - well you need look no further. 'I like a man with a little flesh on his bones'. Boy did you get that and then some - enough for three women I would say. Shame he's so challenged vertically, too.   But you could have done better, much, much better, if you hadn't messed up and messed about.

My life is very good, as you may have guessed - you could have shared it. After all I promised you once, quite close to here, that 'I wasn't going anywhere' - unfortunately, you were. I can have pretty much anything I want; be it cars, travel, planes or homes and I have a very good family surrounding me. It seems you make do with weekends and occasional forays to Espana.

You will be saying there he goes 'same old', but I am doing it for a reason...or two. One to rub in what a fool you have been and two because I once thought you deserved more than you had ever received in the past from life. I still do when I'm in a softer more tender mood.

Talking of objects and in particular cars, what do you think of the new Aston Martin convertible? Very nice birthday present wouldn't you say :)

Here it is again - it joins a stable of three - Talking of stables - some of horses are below too:

 Enough of that - we are in New York on Monday...agent/publisher time again. Then meet up with friends for a late lunch. After that we are flying over to Europe for a short while. Netherlands, Germany and the UK. Business and some pleasure. Completely different life style to the one you imagined I led or was going to lead...isn't it. You would have been here for the ride if only you hadn't......

Thought you might like a little photographic reminder of you know who...some old, some quite new. Enjoy! :)

Gorgeous isn't she:) Nothing more need be said


Ciao - I'm here if your need ever arises. :))))))