Costas and Cost Us

A few days on the Costas with  some clouds and some sun and a very, very large short individual. That is not how I imagined your life would be some 12 years ago. But, as they say, you made your bed and you have to lie in it. The photos of that individual bring tears to my eyes. They are not tears of sympathy more tears brought on by uncontrollable laughter. What a sight. The mind boggles as to how you both get on under the sheets!

The thought of dealing with all that blubber for the past 11 years stretches the imagination, but then you have grown to meet him somewhat. That slim lady once known, fully, is long gone. Replaced by a chubby individual that if met these days would easily be passed by. Nor do I envy anyone who gets a seat next to him on a plane - that must be an experience all of its own.

I suppose you should compare where you might have been if you had been more understanding, loyal and decisive. But then you now know what that life would have held for you  and all around you. In your impulsive way you decided to exchange short term pleasures for a life that you will never experience now. All those weekends of travelling to and fro, might have been replaced by the luxury enjoyed by yours truly. Your flights overseas in a private jet, homes, pools and cars to enjoy whenever you wished. Following the sun throughout the year - none of that damp rain swept stuff that comprises two thirds of your life in those northern climes.

Wining and dining on the very best and building a life of fun, love and comfort you will never have now. All of those things passed up for short term pleasures. High and dry to me means beaching my boats. It was never in my mind to do that to any one let alone you. But your past experiences with men and your own lack of loyalty led you to believe that I would follow the behavior patterns they did and....you did. That was not the case, but you never had the courage in 2006 to find out. You thought you would be left as you said - high and dry. You never would have been, but it is far too late now for you to find that out.

I guess you think I have perhaps followed the same physical trait as you have done and also that which is reflected in your man to a very excessive degree, but I'm sorry to disappoint you. I am still the exact same weight as I was in 2005. A little older, naturally, salt and pepper hair but beyond that and a few added sun wrinkles, pretty much the same.

So here I am heading for a birthday again, not the milestone one you may think as I am a few years younger than you thought. That milestone arrives in three years time. I am spending this birthday here in Nantucket, Mass., surrounded by friends and family on the weekend, now approaching. Here and at our horse ranch near Concord, New Hampshire, are places we spend a lot of time. Not for the weather, but because this part of my country is old in US terms and pretty and just plain great. Plus, it is in terms of the USA, close to Boston and New York.

I'm not sure the ranch would be your scene, being a (small) town girl, but I think you would like Nantucket and the small towns around here. Then there's the pretty churches, picket fences et al. Funny isn't it, 12 years ago I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with you. It's what I wanted, until....but there's always a silver lining to every cloud. Mine turned out to be pure gold instead. Yours...well your life is little changed from what it was and in the nature of things time is running out for me, for you, for all of us. My last 12 years however have been the very best. Fun, beauty, comfort security and able to enjoy the very best things in life.

I recall you being surprised when I first brought you over here, to Florida, to find that each of my houses (did I show them all? - can't recall) was fully equipped with pretty much everything you might need. In fact, I think one of your problems with me was you were a little overawed with a life you could only imagine. You felt inferior in some way, but I never viewed you that way. I also recall you mentioning class and how you and he are similar in your class in society. Funny how it's always the working class that thinks that way. I never did and still don't. I judge a person on their merits not their social standing. Yep - it was you that had all the problems and hang ups - I had none as far as you were concerned.

While you were in the Costas, guess where we were. yes, we were in Cumbria. Last visit to our place in Keswick. Now on the market - too many calls on our time elsewhere. We flew back here to Massachusetts and home while you were away. After the birthday party we will be back in Florida for a spell.

You really did miss out on a rich life and I don't mean in purely financial terms. They say there are more fools in the World than any other apparently. I guess you have figured which category you fall into in the sense that you make and made foolish decisions. For someone moderately intelligent your analytical and observational skills were pretty poor. Combine that with what you perceived as pleasure and 'happiness' and it's no wonder you made a bad decision. It's the answer to your question 'Why do I always make the wrong decisions *****?' The other question you had about having enough to live on is absolutely hilarious, but you didn't know that at the time. You do now.

Guess I better leave this for the present. This morning I'm working on my current book, set here in New England, this time. From what little I know of your tastes in literature (limited), I think you might like it. Do you know I make more dollars from just this one activity than I did in the whole of my Naval and banking careers. Funny old thing life, although I did, and do, enjoyed/enjoy both my past careers and my current business life: the former two weren't as rewarding financially as my writing, photography. culinary and above all other business activities.

So as you lead the 'same old' life as ever, think on what you might have had, might have enjoyed and the security and happiness that would have flowed from it. Unlike you, I am totally loyal to the people in my life as I was with you. I might have felt like a fool at the time you played away, but it didn't make me a fool....it made you one.

To quote part of the title of this blog - it cost us, both, but you most of all.

Do you know back in the early 90's I stayed in a small town called Falmouth, Massachusetts just across the water from here. I never imagined then that I would end up living part of the time on this island.

You have a nice day ma'am.........

Ciao