Choices

LL 

I often wonder about you and the limited lifestyle you inhabit. Maybe you were never as ambitious as me, or even wanted to enjoy life fully. Part of it, I guess, is 'family commitments' and part of it through making the wrong choice...or should that be choices...in life.

I keep in touch with his comments on social media, from time to time, and have to say they bore me to tears, as I am sure they do for you, although you would never admit it. Your description of him 10 years ago as a 'journalist' is quite laughable. Were you kidding yourself or trying to build him up in my eyes? Either way you failed. I'm not easily impressed, and he didn't impress me at all. But it seems he impressed you, initially. Your own social media comments are pretty boring too - all that food and drink - try being more interesting, I might take notice then.

I once commented on your shallow outlook on life and the partners you chose, as opposed to those who chose you. It seems your life is very much a case of act in haste, repent at leisure. I am sure you regret your decision and what you did to cut me off, but more so you, from communication. Despite my then commitment to another I was prepared to have you back in 2006, but you didn't have the courage. As you are well aware our lives have moved on. Yours hardly, and mine greatly. It's sad that you didn't decide to take a chance on me rather than get up to what you did. You would never have regretted it and I think in your heart you know that.

However, you made a choice and ended up with the fat man and just weekends.

Here's a flavor of my travels. As you always like proof, I've saved a few items to let you see.

This one includes an old haunt that may hold memories for you:

I recall you saying that Sorrento 'was the best holiday ever', to use your words. Yet there you are still plodding off to Spain and its territories almost year in and year out. Maybe you don't like travel, but I don't think that's it. Maybe it's money -  that's more likely. Perhaps he doesn't have much of an imagination or the desire to see the World beyond holidays and business travel - most likely. So you are trapped in that respect and I suspect a little frightened of ever leaving him; partly because of who he is and his nature and partly through insecurity, which I believe you have suffered from ever since you grew up.

None of those things would have applied if you had taken, in my modest opinion, the right step and committed to .... me. You didn't have the courage - it was nothing to do with timing - just a lack of bravery.

We are as you know looking at property in Massachusetts. Something like these maybe:

It's rural but close to just about everywhere in the south of the State, so near Newport Rhode Island, Boston, Mass and New York. It's fairly modest by our standards and boasts four full bathrooms and a pool out back plus a pier or jetty as it's just off the shore. To you ma'am $10m. to us 'loose change'.





This one too, although it's a little more at nearly $12m. You can see the sea here - the Atlantic, of course.

Where would you rather be your place or his in ****i** (an estate built box) or....here (or somewhere else, similar).

      

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On another tack, you once said to me, after we parted, that there were plenty of women out there who wanted to get 'laid'. You were right, although I already knew that. I had a great time and met some great women. I guess my wealth helped, but it was never used overtly. Seemed it was quite an aphrodisiac though!!  English, American, Canadian, Italian, Spanish, French, German - no, not languages, women. Several from the same nationalities too, but mainly the first two. You learn a lot about taste and about different women and their 'tastes'...if you get my drift.

Which brings me back to when I first discovered your infidelity (ies). I guess you thought you had gotten away with it dating back to the American with the Spanish name. You hadn't. Whenever someone embarks on a thing like that inconsistencies occur and small mistakes are made. Most people don't spot them straight away. You, unfortunately, chose the wrong guy to try and kid. You didn't know it at the time, because I never told you, but my intelligence background and subsequently that as an investigator, equipped me very well to notice all was not right with what you told me. You told a lot of lies to me and that combined with your affairs led me elsewhere....even when you thought you still had me in tow.

Perhaps you ought to know what was really happening after my discoveries of your activities. Like you, or perhaps not at all like you, I decided that I needed to hedge my bets for three reasons. One, you were lying to me, two you were sleeping with other men and three you wouldn't commit to 'us'. In the light of the first two reasons it's not surprising that you didn't carry out the third one. I think you were really mixed up back then as I recall you saying two things. Firstly, why do I always make the wrong decision and secondly P****, I thought we were quite settled in our relationship.

Why both these comments came after we parted is quite fascinating. It may indicate that at that time you had a desire to return but not the courage to do so. Not facing me at the point you thought we had parted was an earlier indication of you lacking guts. From then until this day I think you regret the decisions you made then.

Now you are in a metaphorical box. In one corner is your family and work, in the next the man you chose, in the third your repeated and repetitive Spanish holidays and in the last corner your weekends north of where you are. Continuing the metaphor, you run from one corner to the next like a mouse going round and round and not finding a way out. that mouse probably doesn't realize there's another world outside the box or perhaps she just feels safe inside.

You once described me as boring, after we had parted, but you never knew me. Your experiences with me were colored by the loss I had suffered, but quite shortly afterwards I came out of it fully and back to my 'old' self.

After I discovered your first affair, while you were with me, I set about making sure I wasn't going to be the one left in limbo, as you once said I might do to you if you came back. I was way ahead of you as I am now, and always will be.

So onward with what happened after you first affair. Basically, I met a number of other women as you can read in my companion blog. You will recall that I said I was moving to an apartment in London, which I did. What you didn't know was that I owned all the time I knew you, along with real estate over here in the States, and not just the stuff I showed you. After you left and within a year I rented the home you knew and lived in London for the most part. Nevertheless, I met several, no make that quite a few, women in Norfolk including two Kim's, a Carole, Denise, Karen, Rebecca (not the NY one) etc etc, then I moved to London and also spent time in France, Italy, Germany and Spain...and in the USA, of course.

During that time, that period spanning your messing around with others and my meeting Ash, I had one whale of a time...and the money to enjoy it and make it happen. I won't bore you with all the details, suffice to say each encounter had it's mutual benefits.

I guess it started with Kim, a blonde, back in 2004 - you can work out from when by that visit you made to Oxford. That was the trigger for me. We enjoyed meals out, London (my apartment there), some places you and I went and of course each other. There was a bubble bath that will always stay in my memory.

Denise, another Norfolk resident and another blonde, spent time at my place there and many of the usual social activities of eating out, theater, long walks etc. She liked her bath time too and sucking lollipops if you get my drift. One of my longer encounters in 2005 was with a lady from Suffolk called Karen. We took a couple of vacations together and spent lots of time at each other's homes. She had never been fully satisfied but she was after we met. She was blonde too. Funny really my taste is actually brunettes, although my, now wife is blonde, naturally.

Carole, who you have seen, is brunette of course. We had much in common - the Navy, investigations etc - we too took a couple of vacations together. She was really hot, despite her being rather small up top. Did we have some good times! When I look back you were pretty tame really, somewhat inexperienced and not that adventurous...almost boring in fact. Something you accused me of - that's quite laughable really.

Naturally, I spent time abroad in what is now my home - the USA. It was during one of those trips that I set out to buy a place in New York. The realtor, a lady, turned out to offer a full service - she just loved my English accent and a few of my physical skills. I'll tell you that story one day too. Another trip included Indianapolis, Cincinnati and Salt Lake City before reaching Portland Oregon. Nothing happened in SLC, but it sure did in Indianapolis, another story. You were aware of that trip. I did another after Ash and I met, to meet her family and survey her businesses over there. I guess that was around May 2005. We parted in October of that year, but of course you were playing around long before that.

After we parted I moved on big time. Set up my businesses back home in the US bought property in Europe etc and invested  more in the UK business. You were right I got a real buzz from my business activities...and still do, but have stepped back a fair bit now. The main thing though was Ash and I married - that was over 9 years ago now. Our children (adults) range from 31 to nearly forty. three sons over 6 foot including one US Marines officer and my daughter, plus four grandchildren ranging from 7 to less than a year old.

Nine years of building on our mutual wealth, floating one company on NASDAQ and we are into nine zeroes territory. So, as you can imagine the odd Bentley, Aston or whatever is small change.

To think you were foolish enough to exchange all that (true I never let on how wealthy I really was) for the rut you are in, would leave most folk speechless, especially as I was in love with you back then. What you did of course destroyed all my trust in you, but from our very first meeting I had no intention of going anywhere else other than staying by your side. Sadly, you had other ideas....but that has worked to your detriment and my very good fortune.

That really is life isn't it.

Ciao - off to Rome on business for just one day tomorrow, then back home to NH to buy that place in Massachusetts. Never a dull moment...in my life.

PS Thinking of resurrecting that case in the US, in the absence of the return of items - seems like the right thing to do. I guess you could call it a test of your morals and morality. That will put you on the list at port of entry. You will probably never visit again, but if you do remember to bring everything.

Have a nice day ma'am :)