Destiny

I sometimes wonder what you really think about where you find yourself and where I am, in life. Who you have ended up with and who I have ended up with.

You always set great store by physical appearance (wrongly in my view) but understandable. So, how the hell did you end up with him????? 

By comparison the ladies I met, after you played around, were pretty damn beautiful...weren't they. I guess that's where the jealousy that you exhibited back then came from, even though you had moved on to someone MUCH larger than me.

Then of course there's my wife, Ash, who to me is the most beautiful of all. But beauty is only skin deep as they say, and, in your case that proved to be the case...didn't it. Beneath what I thought was an attractive exterior lie an altogether different person. What hurt most was not my trusting you (I always had suspicions there, right from 2004) but because then I loved you. Probably that is why partly why I still write these blogs. You betrayed that love.

Sadly of all the character weaknesses you showed, the worst was cowardice. I will not forget that meeting where the ring exchanged hands and the coldness you projected. I know you didn't know how to handle it and your coldness was some sort of silly 'defense'. I think you saw that coldness as a strength, whereas I saw it as a weakness. I have never known anyone turn so quickly as you did - in fact I have never known anyone act that way ever before.

You were wavering back then, and in particular during 2006. You really weren't sure were you. I can tell you this though - you did make the wrong choice. Do you think you would have been working if you had stayed? No. Do you think you would have problems placing your boys in their own careers/jobs and homes? No. I could go on but won't. I am sure you realize what you missed out on. Eight years plus have passed and that might have been eight great years for you - not work years or weekends only years.

What an 'arrangement' you have with him. It certainly doesn't seem right to me. You realize that given his weight etc that is unlikely he will make 'old bones'. I guess you are resigned to that fact and if you aren't you should be. I often laugh at the fact you 'hid' him from me for so long. I guess you thought I would take the 'mickey' at the sight of him. You were right - I would have done.

I want you to realize how different our lives really are both in terms of wealth and emotionally. Firstly, wealth - our home in Belgravia should give you an idea. Bought for 38m - outright of course. Spent  just over a million on changes. Makes your little life seem a tad insignificant doesn't it....and his. I told you, not too long, ago that I could spare a few million. If that came your way it would change your life wouldn't it. By the way I have just bought my partners out and now fully own a jet passenger aircraft...not a short haul business one, either. I'll 'post' a photograph sometime soon.

I needn't expand further on the question of wealth as I am sure you have gotten the message by now...that you made a very foolish decision in 2004/2005. I was and am a lot more clever than you appeared to give me credit for back then. You really did think that I had told you everything about me, didn't you. In fact that is borne out by your 2006 comment 'will we have enough to live on'. Boy - how I laughed at that remark! You were quite funny really, in a naive sort of way. 'Don't tell people what you are worth' was another bit of wisdom you dispensed.

I didn't tell you, so I was sure as hell not going to tell any strangers. Do you know why I didn't give you the full picture? One word or two perhaps. The first being Jose....and the second trust. I was aware of what you were up to as early as March 2004. Hence I made the decision to only reveal part of my life to you and waited to see where things headed. I didn't have to wait too long did I!

Yes, I know I have said these things before, but I just find them so typical of you - act in haste, repent at leisure - that they bear repetition. That is, if only to remind you of what a fool you were and are.

As to the emotional side of life, I think you may have gathered how loving, loyal, attentive and beautiful my wife is. If only from the photos I have shown you. The biggest thing apart from the fact that I love her very much is that we are so comfortable together each reciprocating the other's gestures and love...and (an old fashioned concept) devotion. You had very little if any of those attributes. I think the reason was reflected in all your insecurities...and you have quite a few. Sad really, I could have solved most of them, but you foolishly decided otherwise and acted as you always do, on impulse

We are leaving shortly, so no fear of your bumping into us in the near future. Funny though isn't it that we have ended up in the same city at the same time. Coincidences rarely occur in life in my experience, but this is one of them. If Ash hadn't changed our travel plans we would be in Paris now.

Where are we going? Back to New England for Independence Day, via Madrid. Big family gathering along with friends both in New Hampshire and Boston. We will return here very soon by which time you will be back at home ...and back at work, if you aren't already. What a life! Yours, not mine, The latter is near perfect and blissfully happy

So here's to a happy Fourth of July!

Hast la vista 'baby' and Adios ;-)