Levels - Fact or Fiction?

LL

Life's Levels

In many ways I think we all find our own level in life. That which we are happy and most comfortable with. 

It seems you have done just that with FM. You once said he was 'upper working class' and you were 'working class'. Two observations. Firstly, what you said reflects on how you see yourself  in the order of things and, secondly, I have never heard of 'upper working class'. All the indications are, and from the conversation I had with him once, briefly, is that he is just plain good old working class.

The fact that you subscribe to such tags reveals a lot about your own insecurity.

I never thought you were comfortable about my status, standards, education, intelligence and background. I was out of your league wasn't I. 

It is a characteristic of the so called working class that some cannot cope with people like me. I think it is more about envy than anything else...and possibly an inability to communicate on the same level. Culturally, our backgrounds were poles apart. You acknowledged what you thought when you believed you had left me. You said:

"You are a hard act to follow..."

Remember that remark. One that will haunt you, I guess...because he is nowhere near to amounting to the man I am. 

You don't wander off if something appears to be broke - you fix it! You wandered off and lost. You lost a lot, too - not just the material stuff, but a lot more. Even you thought we were settled, but you had to deviate...more than once... and through those actions you lost everything.

Substituting it for an obese, self opinionated soccer fanatic bears no comparison. The other observation I have to make is his weight and I am pretty sure his longevity. He's heading for a heart attack at the very least with his lifestyle and food and drink regime. It seems to be a Scottish trait although not one followed by the best Scot I ever knew - my father. Then there's his teeth and the way he looks in some recent posts  - black shirts and HH, let's say.

Incidentally, what are you thinking dressing in those floral patterns...very much the grandma, perhaps, in age status and dress.

I'm not bitter, if that is what you may be thinking, on reading this. I'm just sorry you went and spoilt everything through your behaviour. I'm sure you are too, now that you realise what you lost. I guess I was pretty cut up when I found out about your betrayals, as early as 2004, and more so about the loss of my late wife. You kicked me when I was down - hence the actions in 2006- 2007/8. Despite the modest comeback - we had a great deal of enjoyment from that. Call it a kind of 'taste of your own medicine', if you like

"Why do I always make the wrong decisions". That was one quote from you I will always remember. You made that remark after you thought you had left and you were right (you weren't right often) but on that occasion you were. I always said you were a coward at heart about many things and you were/are. You couldn't be brave and for once in your life do what your heart was telling you.

What follows is  something of a statement as to why I'm not bitter.

I was extremely lucky to find a lady, my wife, who fell in love with me and me with her. I didn't think it could happen at my age then, but it did. I don't think you have any idea what proper love means. Our relationship was all about you, rarely about me or 'us', and also to some extent all about 'materialistic' you. What you wanted, what you enjoyed what you demanded. I loved you back then but it was never fully reciprocated was it. With my wife/wives, both of them, it has always been. It was not me that was screwed up it was, and still is, you.  

Maybe your current man won't tolerate that 'me' attitude, which is perhaps one good thing to come out of it. I put some of it down to 'only child syndrome', but the rest down to your character and attitudes. It's still apparent to me, even now, in what you say and do.

I found the post below quite telling of your real feelings and what you missed out on. There would be no point in posting it if you were as happy as you wish to make out. Indeed, you wouldn't be making social media comments or posting photos, if you were not trying to prove something. Much of it is for me to digest, but what you have overlooked is that I am very happily married, have a superb life, my health and a great family. Not many men are that lucky second time round. I know of at least one woman who has not been that lucky the fourth or fifth time around...

My posts are to remind you that it was you who made all the wrong decisions, despite several chances. In fact, I gave you more chances than you will ever be aware of. That should tell you something....

My Wife

Apart from photos, I haven't really talked a lot about Ash. As you have seen from the photos, she is a very attractive woman and, as you always want to compare, as you did with Carole (you know nothing of the other ladies), yes, she is well endowed in all the right places ;) So I have not been 'missing out'!

Her parents, who are in their late 70's, are extremely wealthy in their own right, live in New England. Hence, that is why we have a home close by. Ash attended Harvard Business School, so you will begin to gather why my long experience in business and her skills, plus our individual wealth, are all so very complimentary. 

But that wasn't the reason we are together, although it helped of course. It was because we 'clicked', fell in love with each other at the very first evening over there in Cambridge, UK. It was a classic case of 'across a crowded room'. Strangely, that is how I first laid eyes on my late wife 41 years ago. When I think about both of my wives - you don't bear comparison to either of them....and yet...there was something there between you and I...once. I'm still the incurable and attentive, romantic I always was, I guess, but I learnt my lesson with you. Not all women are as good as the two I have been blessed with before and after you.

It will never re-occur for, as you said, I could never trust you again...and me, I have a long memory and I don't forgive easily. In fact as a military. naval man...I just plain don't forgive - ever period! Then there are a couple of matters that need putting right too....not forgotten, never forgotten...

My Life

On a lighter note, there were you both, renting your apartment in Spain. Drinking and eating yourselves silly...and he even smokes! I gave up 7 years ago. It seems you have now given up the Canaries for the Costas, too. Your destinations, though, show little imagination, but I guess it could be a question of cost. Something I don't have to think about. We have a beautiful and extensive villa in Marbella that you would die for, that bears no comparison to your humble temporary abode there..

We have enjoyed most of the Fall in NH, but we are now in California, at our San Diego home. Ben our retriever is here too, although he loves it in NH with the horses, woodland and the countryside in general, as we do. A chance to just wear jeans and boots and get 'down and dirty'. Then later cosy up together around the log fire in the cooler evenings...although Ben always places himself front and center. 

We are thinking of making our move to California semi-permanent. Getting away from the possibility of hurricanes in Florida and the tourists:). We will keep our home in Naples and here in NH and use the Lake Oswego, Or home a lot more.  Off NH for the post Christmas snow and fun on the snow mobiles. I don't ski, but Ash does, with all the boys/ younger men of the family and two of the ladies.

I am winding down a lot from our businesses and we have appointed Jon VP of the parent company along with Steve and Brad. Tom is still with the USMC (US Marine Corps), but will be leaving before too long. I haven't bothered to keep track of your two boys, so have no idea what or how they are doing. They have had a rough life, so I hope they are doing well. One in particular I was very fond of deserves a lot better...and he could have had it. But, his mum thought she knew better...she didn't, of course

Our four are all doing just fine. Just Tom to marry off now!! Hunk that he is:) Three grandchildren too.

Been working on our itinerary for next year. It will include Europe of course and the UK. Not sure why I think of it being separate from Europe. Plus travels to the Far East and Oz...after all we have two places there. Maybe a side trip to Canada and of course the West Indies...sorry I've kept those trips from you, largely.

Ciao for now. Maybe some photo galleries next. Not been idle for 8 years...this month!